So, I live my life with no regrets. To most people that probably sounds like I am an adrenaline junkie, and always take risks, but that is not the case with me. For me, living with no regrets means that I don't regret anything in my past, nor my present (which will be my past in the future).
It may not make sense to you (or it might) but it does make sense to me. I think, re-think and probably over-think, most of my choices and decisions. I really try to think of all possible outcomes and make sure that I can live with them before I go that route. I don't commit to any choice unless I am as mentally prepared for the fall-out as I can be.
I don't regret anything because I wouldn't change any of it. As I think back over my life, there are times and events that I am not so proud of, but I would not change them for anything. I have given this much thought, and I know that, although I am not overly please with or happy about my life right now, I know it could be worse.
I always thought I would be married and have kids (note the 's', I do mean more than one.) by now. I wanted to be a wife and mother early in my twenties, rather than being a 30 year old single mother to one child. Even though I had different plans for my life than my reality, I wouldn't change anything in my past.
Even if it would mean me having the life I used to dream of, I wouldn't do it. I would not give up my child or our life together for it. I wouldn't want to have all of that without my babe, so I wouldn't risk it.
For as long as I can remember (while being able to think this way, that is) I have even taken the time to calm down (usually, anyway) before I speak. I like to make sure I am thinking clearly and that I say and act in an honest way. I cannot say it such a philosophical way of life, that I am always thinking "you cannot take that back", but more that I know anger is more than just an emotion. Anger is also an impulse and things that are said or done in anger are not always true. I have heard that, in anger, people are more honest because they are not filtered, but I don't fully support that view.
In my experience, I am defensive when I am angry, so I go on the attack. I will say or do things that I am sure will hurt the person I am angry at. It might just be me outgrowing childlike behaviors or becoming more aware of other's feelings.
I have not experienced this yet, but I have heard about it. Children will claim to hate their parents when they are mad, and we all know that isn't true, so perhaps it is just that I am more mature. Either way, I know I am going to have to live with and answer for all of my decisions, so for that I am trying to be sure I can hold my head high later in life when the questions come.
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