26 June, 2012

     I am always amazed when my wee one learns something that wasn't actually taught. The other day, out of no where, my babe started turning around in circles, has started putting things (sometimes appropriate and sometimes not appropriate) in the trash can (as well as taking stuff out =( ). I hope this absorption of knowledge and skills continues throughout life...especially with such ease, I just wish I could figure out how to encourage the good behaviors, like putting trash in the can, and discourage the things like putting non garbage in and taking garbage out.

     As life is progressing for us I find myself adapting to leaving me babe with a "sitter" from time to time. This is a HUGE step for me as my helpless little babe suffered a weight loss while in the care of others at 10 and 11 weeks old. After that my resolve to be SOLE CARETAKER was renewed and in full force. I love being home and watching all the new skills develop and hearing as new words and phrases come out that adorable, yet slobbery, mouth.

     I love that my baby is all mine and I don't HAVE to share, though, as I have stated in a previous post, I do have moments where I feel it is unfair that I am alone in this. Such is my life and I will embrace it and enjoy it, not piddle it away dwelling on the fact that I am a single parent. As of late I have encounter some more moments when I wish that someone else where here with us....my little explorer is FASCINATED with going in our tiny little kitchen, especially when I am cooking, so I find myself thinking how wonderful it would be if there were another person to keep my babe entertained and out of trouble while I cook. Not quite sure whether I would want that person to be around any other times....to be honest ;)

     Other times I find my self simply wishing for more hands and eyes....I got me a quick lil booger. There are those moments where I have to load my child into the stroller just to take out the trash (we have dumpster service), and times that I spend more time chasing than I do doing the housework (or putting it off until bedtime and having too much to get done and not enough time). Those are some of the moments that make me question my decision to move and think maybe we should have just stayed where we were. Then I remember what our life was like there (the reasons that I chose to move) and realize that we are better off now/here than we were then/there.

     Although, I may always wonder if things may have gotten better at our old place and think we might have been okay if we would have stayed, I know that were we are IS good for us both in many ways. Partially for many of the reasons that I felt drawn to moving and somewhat since we are both getting a taste of "baby sitter life" in small doses. I know this may seem like nothing to some people, especially since it is family that watches my babe, but there are reasons that I wonder if it is the "right" and "best" decision for either of us. I know it is good to have the time apart and prep should there come a time of daycare or regular babysitter but for now a few times a month for an hour or so is about all I can manage and more than I want. In fact, I took my little to the store for groceries this last week rather than to family. My babe is very well behaved and loves being able to ride in the cart and kick.

     I love being able to do things for my child, even those things that seem so small to me (like a ride in the cart). A trip to the store means I can have my babe choose a toy, snack, outfit or jammies. As someone who get a huge rush/high while shopping it is probably a good thing to have the company and sounding board. I remember one shopping trip together that I had my kiddo pick out a character toddler blanket. If it had been up to me I either would have gotten the other choice or both. Maybe I am wrong to allow my (currently almost) 14 and a half month old be the voice of reason when it comes to random unnecessary purchases, but if it works maybe its okay :)