30 January, 2012

     Well, I didn't even make it a week writing everyday........I let my homework pile up until the weekend. I need to stop doing that. But then again, I say that EVERY weekend, and it has yet to sink in. I guess sometimes, even though you know better, you still don't do what you should. 

     My mind has been over-run trying to figure some people out this weekend and that is still what is on my mind tonight. So, rather than ramble on about how I cannot understand how people can be the way they are, I am just going to go with my new view on this issue. I can only understand things the way I do them, or am used to them. I cannot see the point of view of someone who thinks differently than I do. I cannot put myself in their shoes and get a look at life from their perspective.

     Although I may not agree with their views or choices, I must accept that they are entitled to have their own opinions and to do things the way they do. It is their life and they can live it however they want......in the end they have to answer for their own actions.

     Well, I am going to leave tonight's post short to avoid any farther agitation of the waters in my mind. 

27 January, 2012

     As my day is drawing to an end, I am thinking of ways to lead by example. I started making a list of things I needed to change and habits I needed to put an end to before my child turned one. I am really far behind and may just end up going cold turkey,,,,,which is probably what I should have done to begin with.

     Being single I developed a few short cuts to eliminate some unnecessary chores. I started drinking and eating out of the containers rather than dirty a dish or cup. I got really used to living alone and having no one to answer to. Now, although I don't really have to answer to my child, I do have to make sure I take care of the babe. With the first year almost behind us, I am realizing that I will no longer be the only one drinking the juice and milk. I won't be the only one eating the ice cream, dip and such. I will have to go back to washing glasses just for a quick drink and dishes and silverware for dip, bowls for ice cream. I will no longer be able to just eat it out of the pan.

     I also realized that I am going to need to get plastic plates and bowls soon.....which means more dishes. Which has brought me to point of change in my own life. I have always been the weird girl who would rather wash the dishes than mess with the dish washer. Now, I have never lived somewhere with a dishwasher, but whenever I babysat somewhere that had one, I would wash the dishes by hand......if the dishes in the dishwasher were clean, I would put them away but I would never run it myself.

     I now realize how much I want one. Before it always felt like a cop out to not do the dishes, but now I would rather load the machine up, push the buttons (or whatever) and walk away to play with my wee one. Most of this is probably coming from a place within me that feels so stretched with trying to do things while my baby is in bed sleeping. A few hours a day is not enough to keep up on homework and housework. Now I do manage some tasks while my babe is awake...I sweep, vacuum and cook for the most part and I can do laundry. The hard part is the things that require me to turn my back and possibly miss a new development (rolling from back to belly happened while I was in the other room) or if I am doing dishes I won't hear if I am needed.

     I love the fact that I am able to be with my child every moment and wouldn't give a second of it up for anything, but I would also like to be able to stop time to do the chores and such so I don't miss a single moment of this time. Maybe I feel the need to be there so much since it is just me, but I don't know. All I do know is that I want to guide and teach my child and if I am not able to be the SAHM or WAHM I really want to be, then I am going to make the most of it while I can.

26 January, 2012

     Last night my wee one got the hiccups as I was emptying the tub and I said "Say hiccup"....granted not in a normal voice or with a straight voice, but this is apparently EXTREMELY FUNNY if you are 9 and a half months old. The laughter continued today as I faked a few hiccups during the day as well as some sneezes.

     This has reminded me of how easily entertained I am sometimes....especially when the entertainment is my child's laugh. I have learned many things about myself in the years I have been alive, and one of the hardest to remember sometimes, is to revel in the small stuff. The simple pleasures life gives that we all to often become used to and take for granted. I know it sounds cliche and maybe a little preachy in a way, but I have seen posts on Pinterest and Facebook about how we should thank God for the things in our lives....even (and maybe most importantly the little everyday things).

     I think it sounds kinda uncaring/bragging to thank God for not being sick, but I know I can rephrase it to say thank you, God for keeping me healthy because if I were sick I don't know how I would be able to care for my babe. I have had a few days where I wasn't feeling the greatest and not being able to care for my child as I normally would made me feel worse, but also determined to get well quickly.

     One of the posts asks "What if you woke up with only the things you thanked God for yesterday"....this one makes me wonder what do I have today that I wouldn't want to find gone when I woke up. The other asks "Did you thank God for waking you up today?" (this isn't the exact wording, but the point is still there.
     I love to watch my babe play on the floor and learn and discover things and I don't even want to think about what my life would be like today if I didn't not have this sweet being in my daily life. I wasn't exactly in the best of situations when I got pregnant and am not exactly flourishing now, but I know my child keeps me centered and grounded.

   Looking back over the things that have tested me in the past, I now think my reason for surviving was to raise my child. That I was tested and survived to show me how strong and capable I am, that no matter how hard things may seem, I can do it. I have often said my pregnancy was a breeze and it was....if I could be GUARANTEED that every one would be like that I would do it again in a heartbeat (well, I would do it again either way since I would love to have more children but that is beside the point) and so far raising my child is easy peasey. I have stress and all, but not from my babe or being a mother, but from life in general and my own issues from my life.

     Ok, I got a little long and all, so if you are still reading.......kudos to you. In short being a mother has taught me to be thankful for even the little everyday things, and take nothing for granted. Yeah, it may still be there tomorrow, but just in case the aren't be sure to enjoy them today. As anyone with kids can tell you......they grow up FAST!!

25 January, 2012

     Ok, so I am going to TRRRRRY to post something each day....no promises though :). Not only am I a mother, but I am a single mother with a two bedroom apartment to clean and I am a full time student. I take all my classes online, so it is up to me to stay motivated......anyone who knows me, knows this CAN be a challenge for me.
     Well, today's lesson I have learned from my child is that making a schedule or a plan of how things are going to happen is pointless when it involves another person. No matter how young or old, capable or not, that person may not see keeping the schedule as important as you do. I have always been a work til it is done and then take a break kind of person, but since becoming a mom I have had to stop doing chores or homework at the insistant cry of my child.....like now, for instance. I guess playing with toys while I cook (and type between stirring) isn't part of my child's plan.


     Ok, dinner is done, bath is taken, jammies are on and the babe has had a bottle and is in bed. Now it is mama time (which is something I always feel so overwhelmed when I get that I cannot always decide what to do with it). Tonight I have washed bottles and cleaned up a bit. Now I am finishing this and moving on to homework.
      My child has taught me to value the importance of time. Some time is meant to be spend doing chores, or homework. Most time is meant to be spent with the babe....learning that things CAN wait, that they are not going move or disappear is a lesson I have learned but do need reminded about again and again. I have learned to let that need to clean the bathroom, do the dishes, bake the cookies, TAKE A SHOWER, and such will wait but the babe is only going to be this age for the moment. I would rather sleep a few hours at night and wake to my happy baby than get a "complete" nights sleep. I would rather spend the day playing on the floor with a mirror or a ball, watch cartoons, read books and wipe drool off my face than sweep, mop, scrub, disinfect (which I am sure not too many people really want to do these things but they are a necessary part of a clean home).
     Since becoming a mom I have come to grips with having my stove top not be perfectly white and streak free, that having spit-up on my clothes isn't the worst thing in the world and I will survive if I don't get them changed until AFTER the babe is done napping on me, that I can still function through the day with only a few hours of sleep (and for a few days in a row too). AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, that sometimes it is completely ok to put off housework and take a nap (probably one of the hardest lessons for me).
     Ok, so this is my first post....just for the record. I was encouraged to start a blog by a good friend and blogger.....so if you don't like my blog, blame her LOL.

     ANYWAY!! I thought long and hard about what I would blog about....didn't really come up with much. Then, it hit me, I am always learning something. Lately most of the things I am learning are being taught by my child.

     I love being a mother, more than I ever thought I would. To be able to sit and watch this little person explore and discover the world is amazing. As my child has started to self feed I have learned that is ok for there to be food on the floor (for the moment). Since, after dinner I clean the babe up and prep for bed time, I have learned that it doesn't matter if the dinner mess sits until after the wee one is bedded down for the night. I have learned there are more ways than one to play with toys.

     My intent with this blog is to write about what I am learning from my child. I will expand upon the items I have listed above and others. I may sometimes write about other lessons I have learned in life because not all things can be taught by a child, and experience is the best teacher.