27 January, 2012

     As my day is drawing to an end, I am thinking of ways to lead by example. I started making a list of things I needed to change and habits I needed to put an end to before my child turned one. I am really far behind and may just end up going cold turkey,,,,,which is probably what I should have done to begin with.

     Being single I developed a few short cuts to eliminate some unnecessary chores. I started drinking and eating out of the containers rather than dirty a dish or cup. I got really used to living alone and having no one to answer to. Now, although I don't really have to answer to my child, I do have to make sure I take care of the babe. With the first year almost behind us, I am realizing that I will no longer be the only one drinking the juice and milk. I won't be the only one eating the ice cream, dip and such. I will have to go back to washing glasses just for a quick drink and dishes and silverware for dip, bowls for ice cream. I will no longer be able to just eat it out of the pan.

     I also realized that I am going to need to get plastic plates and bowls soon.....which means more dishes. Which has brought me to point of change in my own life. I have always been the weird girl who would rather wash the dishes than mess with the dish washer. Now, I have never lived somewhere with a dishwasher, but whenever I babysat somewhere that had one, I would wash the dishes by hand......if the dishes in the dishwasher were clean, I would put them away but I would never run it myself.

     I now realize how much I want one. Before it always felt like a cop out to not do the dishes, but now I would rather load the machine up, push the buttons (or whatever) and walk away to play with my wee one. Most of this is probably coming from a place within me that feels so stretched with trying to do things while my baby is in bed sleeping. A few hours a day is not enough to keep up on homework and housework. Now I do manage some tasks while my babe is awake...I sweep, vacuum and cook for the most part and I can do laundry. The hard part is the things that require me to turn my back and possibly miss a new development (rolling from back to belly happened while I was in the other room) or if I am doing dishes I won't hear if I am needed.

     I love the fact that I am able to be with my child every moment and wouldn't give a second of it up for anything, but I would also like to be able to stop time to do the chores and such so I don't miss a single moment of this time. Maybe I feel the need to be there so much since it is just me, but I don't know. All I do know is that I want to guide and teach my child and if I am not able to be the SAHM or WAHM I really want to be, then I am going to make the most of it while I can.

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