I realized something about myself today. I accept my failings as failure. I hadn't ever thought about it, but for some reason this crossed my mind today. I thought back about things I have started or set out to do and then never saw them all the way through or didn't continue them.

     In the past, I have tried to start new habits or give up bad ones, and done well....for a time. I once decided to give up caffeinated drinks, and I managed just fine for around two months, until I, with out thinking, had a sip out of a friends drink at a restaurant. Didn't think about it until later, but when I did , I saw that momentary slip as a sign to forgo the whole "giving it up".

     I really had no reason to actual give them up, I just did, and continued on with the choice until that one day that I had a sip of a drink to see how strong it was. Thinking back farther in my life, I can remember another time when I saw fit to end my avoidance based on an unintentional slip. I was 21 and had never had a drink, and really had no intentions of having one, but, while dining with my then boyfriend at a local sports bar/restaurant, we had a server who was in training and somewhere along the line my drink order was messed up. I had ordered a slushy drink from the non-alcoholic menu, not knowing there was an alcoholic version on the menu as well, just in a different color.

     I chose not to complain about my drink being the wrong color, thinking that was the only problem with it. Later I felt sick and light-headed, I thought I was sick from the food, my boyfriend had tasted my drink but didn't say anything at dinner, informed me that it might have been from the alcohol. After that, I felt that since I had already had a drink, might as well drink more, so began the first bout of my drinking days.

     There have also been countless times that I have tried to start good habits around my house, as well as in my general life. All have been abandoned for different reasons that I cannot recall, but I am sure that some were just giving in to the feeling of defeat.

     As I was thinking on this issue today, I connected it with New Years Resolutions. I am not a big fan of the tradition, but understand the meaning of it. I, as with many other holidays, don't like the calendar telling me when I can or cannot do things. As a child I liked to play dress-up, I didn't limit myself to only doing this on Halloween and just yesterday I used three packets of  Kool Aid to dye eggs with my munchkin. Easter is almost two months away still but I don't see why I cannot color eggs now.

     I use this same line of thought when it comes to resolutions. Start them whenever, the only draws to January first, that I can see, is that it is the start of a new year, and so a "new you" too, and that it is easy to track your progress if you have a notable start date.